The breeze was pleasantly warm. Almost warm enough to fool my senses into thinking it was summer. I laid back in my car seat enjoying the heat from the windshield and the scent of spring flowers wafting through my partially opened car window. I saw them parading in front of me; some in shorts and flowered pastel sandals and even halter-tops--some still dressed for work. All of them walking briskly to the same storefront, smiling, bronze skin shining in the sun. In my mind my memory played a few chords of "The Girl From Ipanema" and I could have sworn for just a moment that I was somewhere in Southern France, the Riviera, perhaps…until one of them spoke to the young man waiting for them in the pick-up truck with the mud flaps, the Nascar stickers and the "Ain't Skeered" decal. I was in the south all right-South Charleston, WV---parked directly in front of a tanning salon while my son was playing his clarinet in the music store next door. To top it off, it wasn't even the first of May. Just when do these people start tanning?
I never could understand the sun-worshipping segment of the population. From a very young age, to sit directly in sunlight for extended periods of time was pure torture. Learning that people do this for hours, day after day, had a profound effect on me. I felt very alone in this old tanned world. Sitting in the sun made my head hurt.
Now I can't honestly say I've never been tanned. I have. But it is only because I found something else very interesting to do-like submerging myself in a large body of water-- and forgot that I was in direct sunlight. Believe me, it hasn't happened much.
In my youth there was a product called QT that was made by Coppertone that promised to instantly bronze your skin to a most desirable tone of golden brown making you the envy of your friends. I don't know about all that but I can tell you it turned the palms of my hands and the bottoms of my feet a freakishly loud orange and stained most of my clothing.
There's just a lot about tanning I don't understand.
When I was newly married and my then carpenter husband was remodeling a tanning salon, he took a test ride. What I mean to say is he removed all of his clothing, went into the tanning booth and set it for 15 minutes. His behind was redder than that of the baboons at the zoo. When I asked him why it was important to tan his behind he simply grimaced and insisted I continuing spraying him with Lanacaine.
I had a cousin who would lay in a chaise lounge in the sun every free afternoon she had. Sometimes she would go on vacation with other family members. What did she do there? She would lie on a chaise lounge in the sun every free afternoon she had. Seems to me she could have saved some money. That same cousin now has skin like luggage.
My friend Missy was preparing for a trip to the beach a few years ago. She bought several visits at a local tanning salon in advance of her trip.
"Let me understand this," I said. "You are going to the beach where there will be lots of sun. But you are going to tan in advance."
"I can't go to the beach looking like this!" she screeched pointing to her milky white legs.
Women are not the only consumers pelting tanning salons with their hard earned money. Not long ago I asked a male co-worker if he wanted to grab a sandwich with me for lunch. He declined saying that instead he was going to go tan. I laughed, thinking it was a joke…but in the end he chose the UV bulbs over my company and a bite to eat.
The over four billion dollar per year industry offers great opportunity for those who can afford a couple of beds, a storefront and an endless supply of bulbs. Even those who achieve their desired shade of bronze must return for maintenance tanning.
My oldest daughter is one of those who pay for the luxury of indoor tanning. I have never protested because it just so happens she has a skin condition that improves with exposure to UV light. In fact, I even considered buying a tanning bed from a friend. Mind you, my friend picked this tanning bed up on the side of the road where it had been abandoned after seasonal flooding. He cleaned it up, rinsed out the mud, dried it and replaced the bulbs. Now he wanted me to pay well over a thousand for it. "Think of the money you'll make charging your friends to tan!" he nudged me.
And people want to know why my skin is so pale.
