RedNeck Astrology
Author Unknown
Okra (December 22 - January 20)
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick
on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older
Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of
his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
Chitlin (January 21 - February 19)
Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times
they're uncomfortable talking about just where they
came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of
himself if he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning.
When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful.
Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that
when marriage time rolls around.
Boll Weevil (February 20 - March 20)
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied
with the surface of things, and you feel the need to
bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to
say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some
inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to
marry you, so don't worry about it.
Moon Pie (March 21 - April 20)
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the
front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical
appearance of Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" are the
key words here. You should marry anybody who you can
get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going
to be easy. This might be the year to think about
aerobics. Maybe not.
Possum (April 21 - May 21)
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums
have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a
"don't-bother-me-about-it" attitude. Sometimes you
become so withdrawn, people actually think you're
dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically
healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however,
it won't work, and you may find your problems actually
running you over.
Crawfish (May 22 - June 21)
Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office,
you're always hanging around the water cooler.
Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool
to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room.
You tend not to be particularly attractive physically.
Collards (June 22 - July 23)
Collards have a genius for communication. They love
to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their
essence with the essences of those around them.
Collards make good social workers, psychologists,
and baseball managers. As far as your personal life
goes, if you are Collards stay away from Moon Pies.
It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.
Catfish (July 24 - August 23)
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart,
with one exception: Whiskers may cause problems for
loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to
understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear
surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay
away from Moon Pies.
Grits (August 24 - September 23)
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself.
You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other
Grits. You love to travel, though, so maybe you should
think about joining a club. Where do you like to go?
Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter
or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all
these things, that serves you well.
Boiled Peanuts (September 24 - October 23)
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man.
Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends
and loved ones - may find that your personality is
much too salty, and their criticism will probably
affect you deeply because you are really much softer
than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry
anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours
is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be
sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.
Butter Bean (October 24 - November 22)
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get
along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean,
should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and
you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can
sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't
have anything to do with Moon Pies.
Armadillo (November 23 - December 21)
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but
you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you?
Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and
insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned
with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned
with anything about today. You're really almost
prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns.
You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but
Possum is another mating possibility.