I received a copy of “Eat Pray Love” for Christmas of this year. My car gave up the ghost and, being housebound and snowbound in the country, I had ample time to indulge in guilt-free reading. I will admit to having problems relating to the author. I can relate to her mid-thirties crisis experience which all women, of whatever socio-economic class, will encounter – they don't call them the Dirty Thirties without reason. Ms. Gilbert has an extremely privileged life. She is attractive, talented, had a good husband, a lovely home in the country, an apartment in New York and a very successful writing career – sounds wonderful doesn't it? Even with all of these things going for her, she was unhappy, lonely and unfulfilled.
With the advent of their move to their new home, her husband wanted to start a family. This precipitated a serious emotional crisis in her life because she really didn't want to have children. I admire people who have enough insight into themselves to identify the source of their discomfort and grievance. I don't know if it is her seeming disrespect, pity or condescension for women who choose to have children that puts me off from connecting to her. I love my children and I didn't have them so my life would have relevance – all life has relevance, whether it is clearly apparent or not, and no matter its state of order, acceptability or disarray.
After several months of lying on the bathroom floor at night crying her heart out (been there, done that, have many, many T-shirts) - she asked God what she should do and God told her to go back to bed. Sound advice. This was the moment of her spiritual awakening. She makes the decision to leave her marriage, much to the consternation of her husband. The divorce is difficult and the price of her freedom is a steep one, materially and emotionally. She writes about it with hard-fought-for grace and dignity (you can hear her biting her tongue as she writes). She finds a lover and falls head over heels into love with him. She writes quite honestly about her co-dependence in relationships. Even a woman with so much going for her struggles with the bad bargain that is co-dependence, lack of boundaries in relationships and how weak we are in the face of good sex.
Her description of her co-dependent behaviour is witty and compelling. “If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time – everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself...” - sound familiar? Co-dependent people should have to wear a T-Shirt that says “Don't Touch Me, I Fall In Love Easy”. She uses her journal as her source of communication with the Divine, almost a form of automatic writing, which serves her well.
The relationship with her lover is on again, off again – he is one of those Rubber Band Men. She pushes and gives up her power, he retreats from her clinging and grasping. The divorce is challenging and she immerses herself in Yoga and other self-help a la New Age and not so New Age healing therapies. The stress takes its toll and she ends up in a state of deep despair. A psychiatrist, good friends and medication, along with her other efforts at spiritual growth and healing, help her get through a challenging time. She is wishy-washy on the medication issue and this disappointed me. The medication did help her through a very hard patch. People shouldn't be afraid to seek help when they are so raw emotionally and in such deep despair that they think life is not worth living.
With the divorce final, she makes a decision to take a year off and travel. Ms. Gilbert has three destinations in mind. She wants to go to Italy to learn the language. She wants to go to an ashram in India to learn to be still and she wants to return to Indonesia – to Bali – to spend time with a spiritual teacher and healer there who had given her a palm reading on a previous visit. He had predicted the events of her life and had told her she would return to study with him. She is stressed out and too thin but the great love in her life is travel; her need to get away is great. She also has no difficulty meeting new people or adapting to new situations; it is the great passion of her life and her adventurous spirit.
In Italy, she eats (and eats and eats and eats) and writes rapturously about the food. She is feeding her soul and I gained 23 pounds with her. She meets new people, takes Italian lessons, finds people to practice conversing with, and everyone she meets does interesting things. Her friends and family come and join her in Italy. Her health and her spirits are rejuvenated. She comes to terms with her Loneliness and Depression. This is a wonderfully written section in which she uses reification and makes them the good cop/bad cop of her life. “They frisk me. They empty my pockets of any joy I had been carrying.” She is an acute listener and finds many people who mirror her pain. In Venice she meets a woman betrayed by love who tells her: “He was powerful...and I died of love in his shadow.” In Italy she finally lets her lover go, gives up the medication and buys a whole lot of lingerie. Lingerie is a woman's gift to herself. She also discovers her favourite word in Italian “Attraversiamo” - “Let's Cross Over.” Time to go to India now to study at the Ashram and continue on her search for God in all things.
At the Ashram her job is to scrub floors and to master meditation, intelligent detachment, and the emptying of her thoughts. The days begin early (3 am) with meditation and the saying of the Gurugita in Sanskrit which is 182 verses long and is her great challenge. Initially she had planned to spend 6 weeks at the Ashram but after coming to terms with ”The Geet”, she decides to stay longer. After vowing to be still and silent, she is asked to be the welcomer of new pilgrims to the Ashram – a task she is totally suited to. She learns to be still, to let go, to pray in a deliberate and determined way and to be at peace with herself. On to Indonesia.
Her trip to Bali is the least planned of all her endeavours – initially she is only allowed to stay for 30 days. She is there to seek out her spiritual teacher, Ketut Liyer – who had read her palm two years before which had charted the events of her life. In Bali most of the people have one of four names – Wayan, Made, Nyoman and Ketut – which mean First, Second, Third and Fourth. She seeks out her spiritual teacher and spends many afternoons with him, watching him work and listening to him speak of his life and healing. She tries folk remedies (which work) and enlists all her friends back in the “real” world to help raise money to buy property for a woman healer so she can maintain her store and her extended family. She also falls in love.
Italy – Eat. India – Pray. Indonesia – Love. Ms. Gilbert has a good sense of humour and a great gift for insightful observations. Her book is a homage to her “cross over” to a new life and an invitation to join her. It is one woman's journey story into, and across, the abyss and back out again. The book contains many poignant, intimate, personal, and compelling moments which we could all relate to on some level. This book also left me with a totally wicked craving for Italian food.
Elizabeth Gilbert's Thoughts on Writing
