My life has been filled with lessons. Some lessons were welcomed insights. Others were not so appreciated at the time. One of the hardest things for me to learn in this life is who to trust. I wonder in amazement that someone like myself, with so many “odd” experiences, could still be so naïve and so gullible. I trust people well beyond what I should. The fact that I am not alone in this strange path has inspired this article.
Our card this month is the Ten of Cups from the Ethyrial Tarot ©. Traditionally, we see the Ten of Cups surrounding a loving family scene. Family is a symbol of those that love you unconditionally, right? For some, family is that constant that gives them a foundation upon which to build a strong and happy life. For many others, family is the cause of their grief and anxiety.
I have written many times on the benefits of creating one’s own family. Family need not be made up of the people with whom you share a common DNA. Rather, family should be a conglomerate of individuals who match your own ideals and levels of caring. They should stand by you and you by them regardless of the mistakes made. We all make mistakes. Family will open their arms to you in spite of any mistakes.
Our Ethyrial Ten of Cups depicts an old photo album. The cups around the outside are in various positions and conditions. A flame burns beneath the album. For many of us, our trust issues were formed in childhood. Some people learn to distrust everyone. Others are overly trusting. Some of us find that balance of openness and caution.
Cups are generally associated with emotions and spiritual situations. If anyone spends a holiday with family, they know that emotions can run high. Few family members will let you forget what you did as a child. That one time that you locked your sibling in the closet is forever engraved in the family story-telling time. Surely, if they remembered some of your siblings’ behaviors, they would praise your ingenuity. Instead, we are subject to the judgments of those who have seen every misstep of our youths. This can leave us with our own unresolved emotions. If someone who is supposed to take care of you when you are a child is the one to violate your trust, how can you ever trust another human being again?
The fire that burns on our card can remind us that there is a cleansing that can take place in our own hearts and minds. Think for a moment about a deep forest. As the trees grow and die, a good deal of old brush and wood accumulates on the floor of the woods. This becomes dry and easily catches fire. While many people have experienced the horrors of fire, for that forest, the fire can be a cleansing event. It removes all of the dead debris on the floor of the woods and creates a new ground in which new life can begin. Some trees cannot germinate except through fire. Fire can cauterize wounds. It can kill off bacteria. It cooks food and gives warmth. Under the right control, fire is a very useful element.
As we mature, we have before us choices. These choices often involve how to deal with the past. Family might remind us of our adventures in life, but we need not hold their view of things. I am a firm believer in forgive and forget. I do not say forget all that has happened as in amnesia. I say forget as in, allow the emotional negativity to go away. And, I do not even point this forgiveness at the family members. I aim it at you. We are human. Mistakes are part of the learning process. Some of us need to make major mistakes in order to take the next step in our personal evolution. Each of us comes to a place where we need to decide if we are going to forgive ourselves. Some things we do out of anger or spite. Some things we do because we do not know any better. It does not matter why, it only matters what you want to do from this moment forward. The past is gone. If you let it keep its claws in you, it will throw you off your direction.
One of the hardest things to learn to do with so many negative voices in our heads is to trust ourselves. We seem so willing to take up the mantras of our accusers. It is very easy to keep their words in our minds as we make our way through the day. Valentine’s Day is upon us. We are looking for ways to express our love for someone special. The most important person in your life is you. If you do not trust yourself, whom can you trust? If you do not love yourself, whom can you love?
Our past is only pictures now, much like our photo album. The crazy cups that surround it may represent our family members who seem to block our forward movement. The fact remains that we are the ones who determine our path. We decide to accept or reject what is put before us. Just because your mother or brother or father or cousin says you are this kind of person does not make it so. Nor does it mean that you have to associate with someone who shares a bloodline. We each have choices. Trusting others begins with trusting yourself. First, you need to know why you do the things that you do. That requires some time and effort. The main thing that it requires is patience. Be patient with yourself. It took you many years to come to where you are, it will surely take a little while to make your way to the path on which you choose to walk.
Once you are happier with whom you are, then you can begin to determine who in your life you will choose to trust. That, too, takes exorbitant amounts of patience. A person’s true colors do not show over night. We can get a feel for someone in a fairly short amount of time, but those nuances that tell you if this person is compatible with you and someone on whom you can depend takes much longer.
We all have trust issues. Some of us will not trust. Others of us trust too much. No matter where you stand now, you can always change something. Your family album need not determine who you are today. Close that book and make your own. Find the ones that you can trust not only to accept you but also to tell you the truth and do it lovingly. You need not settle for anything less just because it is all that you have ever known. There is more out there, you need only begin your search, and with time, it will come.
Trust is earned. Each day that you find that you have made a wise decision, mark it in your mind. Take pride in your accomplishments. If outer voices chime in to pull you down, quickly find a way to be rid of them. Remind yourself of the positives steps that you have taken. You are not the same person that you were yesterday, and especially not the person that you were years ago. Break those bonds and move into your present with eyes on your future.
Start today to paste the new pictures of your life in a clean album. Trust yourself and allow yourself time to discover others whom you can trust. Then when you reminisce, you have pleasant memories and pride in your accomplishments to warm your soul. Never let anyone else take away those things from you. Trust is too hard to find and too hard to earn. Guard it well and trust yourself.
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